Striving for Perfection: A Society that Lacks the Ability to be Vulnerable

A young girl stares at herself in the mirror, tracing her eyes over every little curve on her body, grimacing at certain parts. She then looks back at the picture of the model on her phone, glancing back at the mirror to compare each part of herself. She soon becomes fixated on one or a few certain parts of her body, posing or using her hands to try and mold herself to the image of that model. For days, weeks, even months she is hyper focused on this one part of herself, so insecure about that characteristic that it becomes the first thing she sees in others. She’ll search and search each person's face or body for her “flaw,” critiquing and comparing. All she sees when she looks in the mirror is imperfection after imperfection. It’s not long before the idea of being flawless and perfect consumes her and her worth and value is placed in her looks. When all she sees in the mirror is ugliness, she comes to view the entirety of herself as ugly and unlovable.

A young boy stares in a mirror, but this time, he studies himself, wondering why he feels so empty and numb to everything. The environment he grew up in played a large part, where negative emotions weren’t welcome or talked through. He never learned to understand why he felt angry or pain. He just learned to suck it up and shove his emotions to the side. He taught himself that he has to always have his guard up so he won’t get hurt, putting on a show to please other people and molding himself to what he thought they wanted, so much so that he lost himself. He was afraid to be himself. Now, he stands in front of that mirror, searching and searching for who he truly is. It’s a pride-fueled fear of what people will think of him. How he wishes he could go back to his childhood self, when he didn’t care of other’s opinions. But now he is lost, void, empty, afraid to be vulnerable. He feels drained after every interaction because connection doesn’t come naturally to him anymore. His relationships don’t feel authentic. He turns to his phone to escape, but that method of escape is only further draining him of feeling. 

Both of these individuals have one thing in common: they are afraid to be vulnerable. They look at imperfection and grimace. They believe the lies that they are undeserving and unworthy of love, saying, “If they only knew the real me, would they still like me?” They try so hard to please and perfect, but they never reach the expectations they set for themselves, therefore it doesn’t fulfill. They don’t seem to understand that without embracing the ability to be vulnerable, they will never experience whole-hearted and joyful living. Vulnerability is not something we can escape, instead it is woven into every aspect of every human being that has and will walk this planet.  The inherent imperfection and vulnerability embedded in the human condition can oftentimes be a source of  insecurity and uncomfortability, but realizing our inability and limitations gives us the need for a perfect and loving Savior who humbled himself and made himself vulnerable so that we might find eternal life. Adopting that condition into the emotional domain rather than fearing it leads to rich, deep, and wholehearted love, beauty, and connection. In embracing that state of imperfection, we can find beauty in the physical realm of vulnerability and the diversity and array of humankind’s characteristics.

Over time, the definition of vulnerability has evolved into a synonym for weakness, an inability to do something (Kim). This is derived from the Fall of mankind, the separation of God and man where Eve and Adam compromised their perfect freedom for a false promise of equality with God (Gandolfo). As this sin passed down to all of humankind through generations, we feel as if we have to rely on our own strength and thus reject the idea of being vulnerable altogether. We grow up reading books of steadfast, courageous heroes slaying dragons and wiping kingdoms off the face of the earth. We praise them for their impenetrability and unyielding nature. They have become our role models, but it’s damaging to our view of how human life should be lived. Of course, many of those characteristics are admirable, but when they are taken to a certain extent, we form a warped and biased view of what it means to be vulnerable. 

The idea of being imperfect and having flaws is terrifying to us because we can believe that our value is directly tied to being perfect. In reality, vulnerability is far more powerful and important than we realize. To define correctly, “Vulnerability means acknowledging our common humanity and helps us initiate an authentic relationship with others around us” (Kim).  It can be seen as the “genuine experience of finite human beings” (Kim). This state of inability is universal, meaning those feelings of being not enough are widespread, regardless of status or wealth. Recognizing vulnerability is a “willingness to see one’s own pain and suffering as rising from the depth of the human condition which all men share” (Kim). The human condition is inescapable. Vulnerability is inescapable. It is that vulnerability that lets us connect with one another as we are susceptible to sin and suffering. 

In the spiritual realm of the human condition, humankind must learn to embrace the idea of mortality and a finite existence. Acknowledging vulnerability leads to a humble state of living before Christ, for then we have the ability to become transformed and fully known. As Psalm 34:17-20 says, “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken” (English Standard Version). Notice how even the righteous fall short. The verse doesn’t say, “if” but “when” they cry for help. The undeniable truth is this: we are all helpless and weary. We are flawed and broken and in great need of a Savior. Covering up that weakness only strengthens Satan's power and ability to manipulate us, making us think we are capable of surviving on our own. And for those who don’t rely on the Lord’s might, surviving is all they will be doing. The days will drag on, and they will be barely making it through the race of life. Rather, accepting and realizing that weakness will give us the option to turn our lives around and pursue a rich and beautiful life. Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” We are to bring our weariness and shortcomings to our Father and He will bring a peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7). But how can we reach out for help if we don’t even know we need help? A pursuit of a beautiful life begins with realizing our inherent imperfection and the need for someone else’s love to sustain us. 

God’s love is not conditional. He accepts our flaws. In fact, He asks for us to bring our flaws. He wants to rescue us from our suffering, brokenness, sin, and condemnation. “God has blessed [us] because his Son fulfilled the conditions [we] could never achieve. Contrary to what [we] deserve, he loves [us]. And now [we] can begin to change, not to earn love, but because [we]’ve already received it” (Kim). It is fundamental to the Christian faith to believe that we are inherently vulnerable, weak beings. We need a protector. We need a shepherd. We need a God. When we start to build up that wall and let ourselves believe that we can do it alone, we begin to believe that we are in control and that it’s all up to us. The mindset of dependence takes away anxiety, for we know the future is not and can’t be up to us. “Our hearts are the dwelling-places of God, but all of them are made of glass… God enters the open wound-the broken window-of our heart and brings healing to the soul and the world, not in order to comfort but rather to identify with us, in an act of infinite compassion” (Chryssavgis). When we realize that without God we’re nothing, that’s when He can use us like crazy. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” At first, the idea of boasting in our weakness seems odd, but that’s what makes the Christian faith so profound. We are to be proud of our state of human weakness. It is that weakness that speaks into the power and perfect nature of the Creator, producing a dependence on Him. But that dependence on Christ must be intentional and must be a choice we make daily. As C.S. Lewis said, “Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.” A reliance on God also means trust, trusting that God will give us what He knows we need rather than what we think we need. This is what Lewis calls the intolerable compliment: it’s disappointing when we don’t get our way, but Christ shapes that path that will ultimately give us the most abundant life (Lewis). Even if we have built a relationship in Christ and put our trust in Him, Satan will continually tempt us to every possible extent, and so abiding in His love must happen with every choice we make and thought we have.

Oftentimes, the way in which we compensate for our vulnerability is pursuing a life of consuming and pleasing in order to distract from or create a fake facade of stability. We spend a considerable amount of time calculating what we have, need, and want, and then we compare ourselves to others and what they have, need, and want (Kim). We are “prisoner[s] of pleasing, performing and perfecting” (Kim). But as Lynne Twist says, the reality is “we [a]re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, [and] already lacking something” (Kim). No matter how hard we work, no matter how good of grades we get, no matter how many friends we have, or how outgoing we may appear, we have already lost. We are already destined for the dark, desolate horror of the realm in which Satan presides over. But for those who have heard of and felt the presence of a true and beautiful Savior, that is not the fate for those who don’t just call themselves Christians, but wholeheartedly live out a Christian life. That is not the fate for those who see their helplessness, flaws, and proneness to sin. For they know that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful, bringing that brokenness to their Savior and humbling themselves before Him.

Becoming spiritually vulnerable may seem like somewhat of a difficult task, but one must only look at the person of Jesus Christ. An almighty King took the form and condition of a human. Philippians 2:5-8 says, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” He who sustains all of creation, King of kings, judges the living and dead, was tempted in all things human, agonized over his coming death, sneered at by the very people he was trying to save, and experienced abandonment, misery, and betrayal (Kim). “In other words, the majestic Son of God willingly became vulnerable in the time and space of human history” (Kim). It was no easy task, He was not any less tempted than the other inhabitants of earth and not untouchable by any means.  

It was indeed a very painful experience to be charged wrongly with blasphemy before the Sanhedrin’s court and treason before Pontius Pilate. It was certainly agonizing to be scourged at the pillar more than a hundred times, crowned with thorns, carrying the cross up to Golgotha, the very place of the crucifixion. But nothing is more dishonorable than the betrayal, mockery, insults, and curses Jesus received from the same people whom he had taught with authority, healed perfectly from sickness, lived and loved so much. Christ’s sufferings were inhumane, actually, a very tedious ride of dehumanization towards the perfection of human vulnerability. (Santander)

But it is in that place of great vulnerability that Christ made way for broken sinners to take the path of redemption and freedom. “Jesus came to perfectly fulfill on our behalf God’s demand on us for perfection” (Bloom). As Hebrews 10:14 says, “By a single offering [Jesus] has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” Jesus perfectly lived, died, and rose again for us so that we might not have to pursue that perfection, He has already purchased it. All one must do is imitate Jesus, striving to follow his teachings. 

St. John Climacus speaks into the meaning of the power of our tears, a tell-tale sign of human vulnerability. Rather than a weakness or shameful act, he sees crying as a holy gift and a marker of a valuable realization. It’s a moment of weakness that reflects our “surrender to God and to new patterns of learning and living” (Chryssavgis). We spend so much of our time spewing words from our mouth and hearing the voice of someone else, distracted and worldly focused. Those words are used to justify our actions and express our feelings, but silence, when all you can do is sob and fight for breath “can feel almost like death, it’s a way of surrendering all self-justification” (Chryssavgis). In order to understand submission to God, humankind must learn by experiencing and undergoing the suffering, not just by understanding. Tears block out the words and allow us to silently experience the pain. It’s a confession of our powerlessness and profession of divine powerfulness (Chryssavgis). “Tears confirm our readiness to allow our life to fall apart in the dark night of the soul and our willingness to assume new life in the resurrection of the dead” (Chryssavgis). Vulnerability, hopelessness, desperation, fragility, woundedness, and brokenness are what our tears represent, and when we admit our state, we discover God’s compassion and sacrifice. “The more profound our personal misery, the more abundant his eternal mercy. The deeper the abyss of human corruption, the greater the grace of heavenly compassion. The more involved our exposure to the way of the Cross, the more intense our experience of the light of Resurrection” (Chryssavgis). Tears are a powerful symbol of what it means to sit in utter despair and helplessness, no words able to form on our lips to justify. Tears are perhaps the ultimate symbol of vulnerability. 

        The story of Lazarus’ death is a deeply profound statement to Christ’s vulnerability and compassion for us. After Lazarus passed from this earth and his sister Mary was in great sorrow, Christ went to see where they laid his body. John 11:35 says, “Jesus wept.” This is the shortest sentence in the Bible, but it sends a powerful message. Even Christ humbles himself before the Father in a state of helplessness and grief. However, this verse is also a testament to Christ’s tender love for us, for he feels our pain and empathizes with us. Hebrews 4:15-16 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” For what weakness then must we be ashamed of, devaluing the whole of ourselves, if our own Creator has felt our helplessness and sorrows? With assurance of His love for us and forgiveness, we can approach Him in search of his protection and peace.

As confession and the act of repentance before Christ is such an important step in our relationship being made whole, one must first realize their imperfection and proneness to sin. Admitting your sins means putting yourself in a vulnerable condition, whether that be before Christ or to others whom you may have wronged.  Motivated by a love for God and a sincere desire to obey his commandments, confession means turning from our sin and asking for forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” No evil act is too great to tarnish our worth or too difficult for the Father to lovingly pardon. Christ Jesus stands before the Father and pleads our case, representing humankind and advocating for our salvation (Romans 8:1-4). Living in a sinful world, confession and repentance must be continual. “It is neither an isolated act nor a stopping-place, but a continuous pathway, at least in this life” (Chryssavgis). We are guaranteed to keep sinning because we are vulnerable beings. Therefore, we must continually repent.

In order for connection with Christ to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. God is that one and only person who truly sees you, and regardless of all of those shameful parts of us, chooses to love us. For He is not disappointed in our vulnerability and what is at the core of that weakness. In fact He cherishes our inability, for that is where His glory shines the brightest, in the moments when we are utterly helpless. Christine Caine puts it beautifully: “The biblical model is that God deliberately chooses imperfect vessels- those who have been wounded, those with physical or emotional limitations. Then he prepares them to serve and sends them out with their weakness still evident, so that his strength can be made perfect in that weakness.” May Jesus be seen in us in spite of us: in spite of our imperfections, jealousy, hatred, stubbornness, selfishness, inability, and weakness. Even in our sin, His love can be displayed.

When the worth of your entire being no longer finds its foundation in the way others view you, your social status, your clothing/style, your sexuality, your body or physical beauty, it flourishes in the comforting arms of the Father. Because all of those different possible definitions are ever-fluctuating and ever-changing, our worldly-dependent-worth will devalue us time and time again, far below our true, undeniable value. Why not let the One who created you be the One who defines you? His love is constant and unchanging, consistent and pure. Therefore, we will always be worthy of love in His eyes. One of the most powerful things we can do is realize that every single thing in our lives is fleeting, and that only God is eternal. With that mindset, no worldly standards can diminish our worth.

Although spiritual vulnerability is the most crucial to understand, emotional vulnerability is often the root of being able to embrace imperfection in general. Generally, we love to see raw emotion and feeling expressed by others, viewing that act of being vulnerable as courageous and admirable, but when it comes to expressing that vulnerability ourselves, it’s terrifying (Newman). The more we recognize our flaws and weaknesses, the deeper we bury them, whether that is due to a sense of shame and fearing the loss of the supposed control and power we have of our lives. We tend to build up fake facades and put on our best show when insecurities are at their greatest, lying to both ourselves and others around us. In order to feel a deep sense of empathy and love for others, one must first have compassion for themselves. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Including you” (Melton). In Colossians 3:12 we are called to clothes ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. These qualities should be directed both inward and outward. As a child of the Creator of the Universe, we are not only disrespecting ourselves when we pick ourselves apart, but we are disrespecting Christ and his marvelous creation. God says to us in Luke 12:7, “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” We are so valuable and precious in God’s sight that he knows the most intimate and the most precise things about us. Compassion for oneself begins with placing your identity in the One who created you. 

One of the reasons people have difficulty embracing their emotional vulnerability is because they grew up with parents who scolded them whenever they cried or expressed a negative emotion, or one that wasn’t particularly pleasing to the parent. Rather than slowing down and setting aside their tasks for a moment of the day to talk with the child and attempt to reach an understanding as to why they are feeling this way, they pick the easy solution of telling them to be quiet and get a hold of their emotions. The child is then taught methodically that their emotions, often the negative ones, are not to be shown or shared with others. They must keep it to themselves. But how can we expect children to deal with all of these new and confusing emotions without guiding them along that path of discovery? Rather, it’s important to embrace the beautiful mess that children are. Children should be viewed as gifted and talented with the potential to make a difference in the world (Melton). Instilling an acceptance of imperfection at a young age is vital.

The reason why imperfection can be unappealing is because we hate the idea of discomfort or things being disorganized or messy, which is exactly what vulnerability brings to the surface. For most people, it’s this fear that we aren’t worthy of connection: “I’m not lovable, not smart enough, not beautiful enough.” Often at the root of this problem is shame. Shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing the self is flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging” (Kim). We try to numb that shame, whether that be with worldly methods such as pursuing drugs, sex, money, or alcohol. The cycle then continues, and those idols and distractions slowly become all-consuming, altering your ability to think, love, and live. But that fear of letting yourself sit in your weakness and vulnerable condition is greater than the fear of losing oneself. When you’re afraid to feel vulnerable, you lose your ability to feel emotions. That means you not only lose the ability to feel pain and grief, but also the ability to feel joy and love. You have to confront it to then be able to embrace it because there is no changing that state of inherent weakness.

Pursuing perfection prevents us from letting ourselves fully be known and loved by others around us. “If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging” (Brown). A pursuit of perfection is often the biggest cause of suicide, making its victims feel unworthy of love. Unlike joy or anger, shame appears later in the development of humans and requires self-consciousness. “Shame ecompasses the whole of ourselves; the focus is on us as a person rather than our actions. Since shame focuses on devaluing the person as the whole, telling the person they are no good, inadequate, and unworthy, it is responsible for the majority of suicides” (Lester). In order to feel shame, one must compare themselves and their behavior to a certain standard that has been set. It is different from the concept of guilt because guilt can be defined as a feeling that focuses more on regretting the behavior or action itself, whereas shame is a devaluing of the person as a whole. This means that shame is much more dangerous than the feeling of guilt because it diminishes the person’s entire worth, connecting their actions to their value. On the other hand, guilt is a healthier emotion because it is our subconscious telling us that what we did was wrong and against God’s commands, leading us to repent and ask for forgiveness.

Shame is feeling trapped, powerless, and isolated, and all of these are interwoven to create this suffocating feeling of disgrace and embarrassment (Lester). Shame can derive from a multitude of situations, whether that be through appearance and body image, sexuality, family, motherhood, parenting, professional identity and work, mental and physical health, aging, religion, speaking out, or surviving trauma (Brown). It’s a result of socio-cultural expectations that are continually reinforced by the media, television, advertising, marketing, film, music, and print (Brown). It’s no wonder that children growing up in this new technological age struggle immensely with the expectation to pursue perfection. In a study conducted among children, it was found that the pressure to be perfect was “highly prevalent among adolescents and was linked with anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and suicide” (Flett). It is because of this stigma around vulnerability that these children won’t seek any help and are stubborn in admitting failure (Flett). Empathy towards ourselves and others is extremely important in overcoming shame. It means being able to see the world as others see it, be non-judgmental, understand another’s feelings, and communicate your understanding of those feelings. Oftentimes, the experiences that make us feel most alone and isolated are often the most universal experiences. In other words, “❲W❳e share in common what makes us feel the mostapart'' (Brown).

Thus, it’s no wonder that a strong sense of shame largely correlates with suicide. It was found that in New Orleans, an estimated one third of victims experienced shame from failure (Lester). Lastly, I think it’s important to acknowledge the different roles that shame plays across both genders. In a traditional sense, men tend to have a clearer standard of success or failure. Careers that involve promotions and raises provide obvious markers for success, whereas being a mother or wife makes it more difficult to assess failure (Lester). Thus, it logically makes sense that men are more likely to try to meet the standard of perfection, and because all fall short of that marker, suicide appears more often among men. In a study, “psychological autopsies conducted with the parents of 33 boys and young men who took their own lives documented that 71.4% of those who committed suicide had exceedingly high demands andexpectations” (Flett). There’s no denying that men are far more likely to struggle with suicide than women. However, regardless of gender, placing your identity in Christ steals that sense of shame away from us and allows us to not be afraid of our imperfection. 

Recognizing the universality of our most private struggles often leads to reaching out to others. Setting aside insecurity and the feeling of needing to have walls up for fear of judgment only opens the door for rich, deep, authentic love, connection, and joy (Brown). At its core, insecurity is the result of a self-centered mindset. Although an insecure individual is not necessarily lifting themselves up and glorifying themself, it is still a focus on self (Brown). It is thinking that they are constantly being judged and looked at and analyzed, when in reality, no one is paying that close of attention to them. Finding the courage to put ourselves out there and look past our insecurities leads to wholehearted living. Living wholeheartedly means to live with tenderness and vulnerability, as well as knowledge and claiming power, which all begins with self-love and acceptance. We’re wired for connection and relationships, as those relationships impact the way our brain develops and forms (Brown). Technology then becomes an imposter of connection; we confuse being communicative with being connected. Brene Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” The more authentic a person is, the more willing they are to take risks and share perspectives without fear of consequence. When we lead by example, being honest when we are feeling emotionally or physically drained, we can make others feel more comfortable sharing their wants and needs (Omadeke). It creates a mutual trust that allows us to love others better.

Without connection, we can then encounter the dangers of self-sufficiency. For example, we can equate success with not needing anyone. We can become willing to extend a helping hand, but are reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. “Until we receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help” (Brown).

Things aren’t just going to turn perfect and easy one day; we’re constantly being hit with news, challenges, health problems, and obstacles. To live wholeheartedly must be a conscious choice: it won’t come floating to us. We must pursue it. To be vulnerable then means “intentionally putting yourself in a position that allows yourself to be hurt but for the purpose of gaining something better” (Dirshe). When you let yourself be your most vulnerable version and are willing to take risks, that’s when you’ll find the things worth living for (Brown). “We must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen” (Brown). That’s when you’ll experience the joys of living that Christ has set before us and wants us to attain. Vulnerability then becomes a state of possibility. “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light” (Brown). Loving someone else is vulnerability. You are putting yourself on the line and giving yourself to this person in hopes that you might also receive something too. It means not trading in your authenticity for approval. We draw from the wholeness of our experience: suffering, empathy, cruelty, and terror. When it comes to compassion, it is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded, but between equals. Knowing our own darkness allows us to be present and understanding of the darkness of others (Brown).

Embracing vulnerability can also be seen in our physical appearance. We seek perfection in our outward beauty and state in order to feel validated and have a sense of security. Technology especially has played a major part in the way in which we see perfection, allowing the user to use filters, create false standards by selectively presenting certain aspects of life, and facilitate an environment of comparison (Brown). Of course, this goes back to the idea of choosing not to place our worth and identity in the person of Christ Jesus. In using technology, our identity slowly builds its foundation on beauty and appearance. The standard is set by likes, followers, and comments. Statistics found that 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape and that only 5% of women naturally possess the body type often portrayed by Americans in the media (“11 Facts About Body Image”). This is a shockingly large number that proves physical appearance is defining human value.

The makeup industry is destroying the image that girls place in their minds of what standards they must meet in order to feel valuable. Spending hundreds of dollars at a time, young girls drain their bank accounts in search of perfection and a standard they will never reach. They are constantly being force-fed marketing stunts and told that this one specific product will solve all of their problems. As Groupon found, American women spend an average of $3,756 per year on beauty products and services (“True Cost of Beauty”). This makes it evident that more and more women are trying to cover up their imperfections and vulnerability in this day and age. Makeup is now being used to not just enhance, but to completely alter. The industry is proving its ability to manipulate the masses, especially women, to degrade and create a dependence on a pricey product.

Cosmetic plastic surgery has become another method in which women and men change their bodies to fit a certain mold. They’ll sacrifice health and comfort for possibly causing permanent damage with botox, fillers, implants, and going under the knife. In a survey, more than 40% of women and about 20% of men agreed they would consider cosmetic surgery in the future (“11 Facts About Body Image”). The National Organization for Women Foundation also estimated that 45.5% of teens report considering cosmetic surgery, 43.7% of women over 60 report considering cosmetic surgery. Physical appearance has become a focus on perfection and symmetry and this emphasis on a flawless image (Buetow). There is no room for fault in their eyes. Perhaps one of the biggest issues is that the growing accessibility, affordability, and normalization of cosmetic plastic surgery provides the illusion that our freedoms are multiplying in number (Buetow). But in reality, it only confines us to a greater sense of insecurity, dissatisfaction, and feeling like we aren’t enough. 

Korea has earned its reputation as pushing a strict beauty standard on both men and women, so much so that it has become extremely damaging to the way in which the individual sees and values themselves. “For women, a slim figure, flawlessly pale skin, distinctive jaw and large, double-lidded eyes are examples of the supposedly attractive ― yet simultaneously unachievable ― features” (Goodwin). Although Korea is not alone in this mindset, as the entire world suffers from seeking perfection, many have fallen prey to the idea of “lookism:” attractiveness equates to success. This idea propels the beauty market, encouraging people to take weight-loss tablets or get plastic surgery. It also leads to weight-shaming, which dominoes into eating disorders. This can mean feeling guilty when you eat, forcing yourself to throw up, smoking cigarettes, and taking appetite suppressants (Kuklina). In fact, there are “various wooden frame apparatuses across Korea declaring what is the apparent appropriate weight-to-height correlation and ideal level of thinness” (Goodwin). This further shames those who by fate and out of their control or due to their circumstances, cannot attain that appearance.  This homogenous beauty mold is extremely self-destructive and dangerous for mental health. It is our inherent fear of vulnerability that leads to this idea of trying to cover up imperfection and seek a certain sense of security or concrete standard. However, because achieving perfection is far beyond the human grasp, it only leads to greater disappointment when individuals fall short time and time again. 

Victims of this mindset are chasing after services that nod to a more Western look, such as skin lightening, double eyelid surgery, and facial contouring. In other words, it’s an attempt at cleansing race rather than to accept and cherish the diversity of appearance and culture. Not only is the health risk a major concern, but so are the psychological factors. Unlike countries similar to Japan and Korea, those who follow the Eastern Buddhist principles uphold ideas that contradict this belief and lifestyle. Believing that nothing in the world is truly symmetrical, they follow the principles of minimalist beauty, a mindset that embraces imperfection as individuality and uniqueness. In their eyes, beauty is found in authenticity, irregularity, asymmetry, and imperfection (Buetow). These beliefs find their foundation in two words: wabi-sabi and kintsugi. This idea of wabi-sabi holds that beauty is not lost through wear and tear, but rather the beauty in that change. Kintsugi holds the meaning that even when things are broken, they can be rebuilt, and the beauty is not lost  (Buetow). Compare it to broken pottery pieces that have been mended and pieced back together. It builds strength and further resilience when you go through tougher times and have to rebuild, which enhances your beauty or perhaps reveals beauty that was hidden. These Buddhist principles model what it means to embrace the human state of vulnerability and adoration of uniqueness.

The National Organization for Women Foundation found that 53% of American girls at thirteen are “unhappy with their bodies” and that the number reaches 78% when they become seventeen (“Get the Facts”). The truth is, no matter the body type, no one will ever be satisfied with how they look. There will always be some way to improve in their eyes. That’s why it’s so important to accept our state of vulnerability and imperfection, to realize that we have flaws, and rather than trying to get rid of them, embrace them. The chase after beauty and perfection will never end, as it is a bottomless and infinite pursuit. That’s why it’s important that we place our worth and value in an everlasting Creator who won’t fluctuate or change like beauty and weight will. 

As of late, there has been a large stigma around the process of aging, especially for women. People are determined to prevent this natural course, a concept known as ageism (Okemuo). But in reality, so much beauty can be found in aging. Every wrinkle, gray hair, and scar tells a story. They become a symbol of wisdom and of everything you’ve been through, your journey through life, and how hard you fought to get where you are. The wrinkle lines around our eyes represent our joy and laughter throughout our lives. Rather than fearing the change, we should accept it as a sign of wisdom and experience. Once again, our definition of value, rooted in physical appearance, shifts from the Creator’s definition, rooted in unconditional love. In God’s eyes, “true beauty transcends age” (Okemuo). Or take a phenomenon that has become all too common with postpartum mothers. In some ways, they are expected to bounce back from growing a child in their womb for nine months and giving life to a human being. This expectation, on top of an entire shift in their emotions and mindset, can be extremely damaging. A mother’s body was able to create, grow, and give birth to a human being, an incredible feat, and yet the scars on their body can become a source of insecurity. As mass media places an emphasis on beauty and a slender body type and promises success and happiness once this is achieved, women form an unsatisfied body image and extreme fear of weight gain (Kuklina). It leads to eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa as women attempt to control their weight. Pregnancy brings about substantial changes in body shape and weight, leading to a greater sense of insecurity for new mothers (Kuklina).  Rather, those imperfections tell a story and represent all the Christ was able to guide that individual through. For on their own, they would be helpless, but it is through the strength of the Lord that they can accomplish such amazing feats and make it that far in life. Imperfections are perfectly imperfect.

We impatiently search for a quick fix for imperfections. That is exactly how the devil works, promising us that if we take another route, one that appears much easier, we’ll feel fulfilled. He’s constantly working to deceive us, whether we realize it or not, whether it seems like an innocent or evidently wrong choice. 1 Peter 5:8-10 warns, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” We have a very real and active enemy, how prays upon our downfall and manipulates us. Christ doesn’t always give us an easy way out; we have to fight the inherent desire to sin within each of us. In a way, He does, and He doesn’t. All we have to do is simply believe that Jesus is the son of God and pursue a relationship with Him, and we will be saved. There’s no work or achievements that will earn us a spot in Heaven, He’s a gracious and loving father who sacrificed His Son. But at the same time, God doesn’t call us to an easy lifestyle, but rather one where we will be challenged and will be forced to take a step of faith.

One of the most valuable things you can recognize and distinguish is the difference between pursuing perfection and pursuing excellence. “When we pursue excellence, we’re determined to do something as well as possible within a given set of talent, resources, and time limits. But perfectionism is a pride- or fear-based compulsion that either fuels our obsessive fixation on doing something perfectly or paralyzes us from acting at all — both of which often result in the harmful neglect of other necessary or good things” (Bloom). In other words, striving for excellence is doing something to the best of one’s ability, while striving for perfection is pursuing something that you will never achieve. Bloom also says, “In our ongoing battles with sin, God is not looking for perfect, externally performed behavior or perfect, internally performed motivation from us. God is looking for love and faith, knowing full well both will be imperfect, no matter how much we grow in them.” We are not expected to live perfect lives, but we are expected to not squander the precious time that God has given us. That’s why God looks down upon laziness and procrastination as sinful and wasteful. It’s a sign of gratefulness and honor when we take the things God has given us and use them and take care of them to the best of our ability. That is the difference between striving for excellence and striving for perfection.  “Perfectionism is a ponderous weight we must lay aside in the race of faith (Hebrews 12:1). God doesn’t want us to focus on performing perfectly; he wants us to focus on living out a childlike, dependent faith through authentic acts of love (Galatians 5:6)” (Bloom). Therefore, rather than striving for perfection, humanity should strive for excellence through the powers of Christ.

Another harmful effect of the pursuit of perfection is that, in our selfish little worlds, we become so focused on our own imperfection that we become blind to the suffering of others, those whose vulnerability is taken advantage of. Prime examples of this are human trafficking and abortion. In both of these instances, people of all types, although it is majorly youth, are used and abused because they are in a vulnerable state. Young adults and children are often victims of this because they are in the most vulnerable times of their life, still exploring and questioning and unsure. Psalm 82:3 commands, “Defend the weak and fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.” God calls us to stand up for the vulnerable and weak who are targeted by evildoers in this world. Thus, the vulnerability of others is something we must always be aware of.

Vulnerability is a topic that is largely misunderstood and ignored in a society that is all too focused on achieving perfection. When we realize the silliness of that chase, life no longer becomes a race or a competition. Our worth and value untangles itself from an identity placed in appearance, money, or status and becomes safely cradled in the arms of a loving and all-powerful Father who loves unconditionally. When vulnerability is embraced spiritually, the need for a savior becomes apparent and lifts off the load from our backs. When vulnerability is embraced physically, the need to fit a certain beauty standard fades away because our beauty is already made infinite and unchangeable. When vulnerability is embraced emotionally, we open the door for a shared empathy and understanding of universal experiences, allowing ourselves to create true and meaningful relationships with others. Laying aside the weight of perfection makes way for whole-hearted living. The realization of our weakness, and lifting that weakness up to the only One who can bear that load is the only way in which we can experience God’s perfect peace. All He asks is that we lay our shame at His feet.

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